“Memories consume… like opening the wounds… I’m picking me apart again.” Memories… memories that call up feelings of doubt, anger, regret, pain and many such emotions sometimes engulf us at random. Life is not a picnic… granted. But don’t you sometimes wonder why? Why we feel these emotions?
As we tread our way through life as if through a mine field, we are faced with experiences that change us, hurt us, break us, heal us, amaze us, excite us and forever mould us into the people we become.
They leave us with emotional memories that remind us of a life riddled with choices made, chances, lost, people met and questions unanswered.
For example, people often ask why I listen to rock music. I listen to the muse that I listen to because it gives me inner peace.
“I… I won’t be the one! Be the one to leave this… in pieces… And you! You will be alone! Alone with all your secrets… & regrets, don’t lie…” a broken relationship. A scarred soul. Can u relate? The details might differ but the chords struck resonate with us. Music gives us a way to deal. You could be in a crowded room but be all alone. You and your demons. Who we project to the world is indeed as Chris Rock said “your representative” our memories remind us that we have lived and the emotions they call up remind us that we are alive and living with choices made.
Good fortune strikes. You jump for joy at its advent. Scream a “Yes!” and punch the sky in a carefree display of public elation. But the hurt hits you… and you take it on the chin (maybe a little double step) and trudge on till that private moment on an empty street when your legs give in, you fall to your knees and the tears soak your shirt… boys don’t cry? Maybe they don’t, but men do. Men do because as much as we have an outer veneer of calm effortless strength, even our souls bleed sometimes.
Thus our memories are intertwined with the music we listen to. The Walkman/iPod/Phone/Pad generation is the generation with a soundtrack for our lives. Our emotions are a manifest of or souls. Who you are goes beyond your “heart”. To be emotionally scarred is not the joke we think it is. To remember the consequences of one choice and the emotions of that moment for the rest of your existence… to live with regret… is not the way one would ever want to feel. And yet there are choices being made every day that lead to memories that will consume. We find it better to be able to take all of that angst & shout it out to a song that gives us the words we are powerless to say.
“Its true the way I feel… was promised by your face… The sound of your voice, painting out my memories, even if you’re not with me… I’m with… you! You now I see, you and everything inside. With you! You now I see, even when I close my eyes…” burning scars from a broken soul. Imagine relating…
We listen to the music we listen to because we relate. Our emotional histories are written in our own blood on our “hearts”. The burdens & blessing, curses & fortunes we bear. Or memories make our emotion, and our emotional person is who we are & perhaps to know another deepest emotions… about their regret, their pain, the moment they found God or lost him… perhaps that is to touch another’s soul. Our memories are a constant reminder of the want to understand & be understood. And our music is the medium which we use to express it all. Accept we don’t all like the same type of music… funny story that. Maybe that explains why we struggle to understand each other & become fiercely protective of the ones who like what we do. Or maybe we get emo sometimes & just need a little Foo Fighters in our system. Who knows, it’s all relative. But when memories consume, I plug-in & open the wounds & pick me apart… then rebuild me (like a Lego or Chappie or something), because through music we have catharsis.